I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
