with your own penis?
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
