is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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