Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
