If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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