I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
