I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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