morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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