Reggie can tackle my bush.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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