finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
