making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
