Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
