Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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