I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
