cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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