3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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