Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
