I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
