I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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