I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
