TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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