It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
