he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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