found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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