last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
