I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
