When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
