once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
