There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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