thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
