I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
