lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize