She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
