you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
