I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
