I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
