Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
