You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
