I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
