not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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