Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
