I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
