I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
