TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
