I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
