After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
