i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
