YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
