I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
