sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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