I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
